So, I moved to New York City. And guess what? I felt it was probably high time I started blogging again. Even though no one asked for this, no one really cares about it, and even I neglected it for the aforementioned reasons. But I’m sitting here three weeks into settling into my new life and I’m feeling the urge to write. So, I thought I’d write a crappy blog post about how I’m feeling creatively like the typical millennial I am. Or am I Gen Z? I think 1996 is somewhere in between. It’s ironic because I have constantly felt “in between” my whole life. I could use that phrase figuratively and reflect on growing up in between two cultures, or about my adolescent angst constantly looking to the future and feeling stuck in between a rock and hard place in all my decisions back then. But the future is here, and I am now quite literally in between jobs, in between projects, and in between people bumping me on the subway. I made it to New York! This is everything that I have worked towards, and strangely it happened pretty easily. But now comes the hard part. I have found myself quietly overwhelmed with everything happening and outwardly calm. I know I’m just settling in, but without a steady job and a set routine I’m scared that I’ll never find them. Living in the in-between is difficult, and I feel like I haven’t actually shown up for myself. I’m freelancing right now and it’s driving me slightly crazy. I’m not making YouTube videos and I’m afraid I might slip into irrelevancy. I haven’t worked on a project or created any art in months. While on FaceTime with a friend this week, (I’ve probably been calling friends too much) I abruptly admitted that I don’t feel like an artist, and I’m disappointed with myself that I don’t have strong ideas to create. And that’s true! I am constantly comparing myself to other designers and coming up with excuses as to why I could never do what they do. I have never looked at myself as an artist, but I have always wanted to. I’d like to think that right now I’m just in a creative rut, but how long will this rut last if I keep telling myself I’m not skilled enough to create? So, after talking with my friend and spending a few days in a hell-style heat wave where all I could really do is stay inside and think, I decided I needed to come up with a plan. I’m going to be proactive, and actually get to work. I’m going to finish that freelance job, film some videos for my channel, and start creating really ugly, dumb, exciting, messy, cool art. And I’m going to post about it in blog form even if no one reads it. Maybe this “in between” won’t be so bad if I make the most out of my fluid schedule and not-so-steady job. I’m just trying to be an artist over here.
Recently I have been having many brainstorming sessions about what I can do with my blog and YouTube channel. As a blogger that wants to focus on travel, style, art, and culture, it gets frustrating to stay in one place feeling like I have no content to publish. I was under a shell of self sabotage and pity, and so in order to break out from that I have decided to start a new series called #ExploringMyCity! I will explore the place I live, have new experiences, and document them. I do not need to travel thousands of miles to publish great content and discover new things. There are so many interesting things to do and see in Detroit that I have yet to discover! Detroit does not have the best reputation, but it is one of the best up-and-coming cities in the United States. I always have fun when I am there, even if I'm in class.
Yesterday I went to Eastern Market on Detroit's East side. There is always something going on at Eastern Market, even though the big open markets are Saturday and Sunday. Although I have been to the Saturday market before, I went to the Tuesday market, which is a smaller mid-week version. They have free community yoga and zumba, so my sister and I went to the yoga class. It was a great class and we walked around the market a bit and checked out the permanent shops that are around the area. It's one of the best places in Detroit to get a sense of community. Everyone there is so nice! Day 1 of #ExploringMyCity was a success. I can tell this summer is going to be good.
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